Consolation Muffins

I clench my jaw. I don't know if you guys know that about me, but I do. It's not something I'm particularly proud of. As a matter of fact, it's kind of gross. I remember when my dentist was in my mouth last year and asked perfectly conversationally "do you clench your jaw or grind your teeth at all?" and I remember responding along the lines as if he'd just asked me if I ate puppies for breakfast. I was all EW NO OF COURSE NOT ONLY CRAZY PEOPLE DO THAT AND I AM CLEARLY NOT CRAZY. Then I spent the next three days conscious of it, and slowly and horrifically it dawned on me that not only do I do both, I do both a lot. And the worst part is, I do them in my sleep. Which means, a) omg I really am crazy and b) short of not sleeping, how the hell am I supposed to stop? I sleep like a dead person, you guys. Literally. I sleep on my back with my hands folded on my chest and my feet in first position. I don't move. Not all night long. According to Mum I also appear not to be breathing. BUT APPARENTLY, UNBEKNOWNST TO US ALL, MY JAW NEVER SLEEPS.

This is how I sleep. This is Henry VII, incidentally. 

Feel free to close this window now and never read my blog again. I would understand.

Point of this being that the jaw clenching thing happens when I'm stressed out. As I'm sure you can imagine, when I was packing up my life of eight years, moving back to Massachusetts, and jettisoning a fairly successful career in publishing to start at the bottom of an only-semi-related-and-completely-unknown totem pole, I became a jaw clenching machine. I would wake up and have to take painkillers due to eight solid hours of clench. I had to get a bite guard (located, fyi, in the "massive loser" section of Duane Reade). I began inspecting my face in the mirror every night before bed to see if my cheeks were getting fatter due to increased muscle mass.

Point of THIS being that I clench my jaw when I'm stressed. Point of THAT being that the "paper incident" as it is now known and shall be known in infamy forever more caused culinary guilt of epic jaw-clenching proportions. I'm actually wearing my bite guard as I type this. [Beetle says silent prayer for non-web-cam-blogging.] Clearly, action had to be taken.

AND SO. LOVELY LIBRARIANS. I PRESENT TO YOU. CONSOLATION MUFFINS.

I INVENTED THESE JUST FOR YOU.

CONSOLATION MUFFINS aka 
OAT BRAN MUFFINS WITH DAMSON PLUM CENTRES 
aka PLEASE LOVE THEM BECAUSE MY JAW IS KILLING ME MUFFINS

Seriously this is what happens when I feel guilty. I INVENT MUFFINS. 

OAT BRAN MUFFINS WITH DAMSON PLUM CENTRES

INGREDIENTS 

This is the colour of my bedroom floor.
I just wanted to point that out. 

• 2 cups all-purpose flour, 2 cups whole wheat flour
• 1 1/2 cups oat bran
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 4 tsp baking powder
• 1 1/2  tsp baking soda
• 2 tsp salt
• Heaping 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 2 cups low fat yoghurt
• 2/3 cup mild honey
• 2 sticks unsalted butter
• 4 large eggs
• Roughly half a jar of Damson Plum Jam (figure 1 tsp of jam for each muffin) 

Whisk together flour, oat bran, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon in a large bowl.

In a a mixmaster, combine yoghurt, honey, butter, and eggs. Add flour combination one cup at a time, blending well after each one. 

Line a muffin tin with paper cups. (YOU CAN USE NONSTICK HERE IT'S OK YOU GUYS) 

Spoon a heaping tablespoon of batter into the bottom of each one, leaving a well in the centre. Put a teaspoon of jam into each one, then another heaping tablespoon of batter on top, smoothing it over so the jam is completely covered. 

Sprinkle the tops with a little bit of oat bran before you put them in the oven. Nobody likes a naked muffin.

 

Nobody.

Bake at 375 for about 20 minutes, until the tops are nice and browned. Turn out onto a rack to cool. Some of the muffins might split their tops and the jam show through. I had absolutely no aesthetic problem with that, and I doubt you will either. 

Do YOU have a problem with this? No. I didn't think so. 

BEETLE NOTES

HOLY HELL THESE ARE AMAZING. 

I just . . . needed that to be the first note. THESE ARE INCREDIBLE AND I AM A GENIUS. I CAN'T FEEL MY JAW ANYMORE. BUT I'M A GENIUS. 

For this, I squished together a basic oat bran muffin recipe and a jam muffin recipe from BBC Good Food. I wanted a muffin recipe. I didn't want oat bran raisin. Nor did I want Oat Bran spice. I didn't want a cupcake. I didn't want something that called for mashed banana because for the next 6 months I will have a Pavlovian response to mashed banana in baked goods that will make me weep copiously every time I see it called for. 

So what's a Beetle to do? MAKE IT UP. 

I'm expecting a call from the Nobel Committee any day now. 

I used half white flour and half whole wheat because, what with the oat bran addition, I didn't want them to be too dense or too dry. I am sure that you could use brown sugar, or take out the sugar completely and add either more honey, agave, or maple syrup. And obviously the jammy centre is a complete (and delightful) free for all. I fail to see how ANY jam used could be anything less than delicious. I encourage experimentation. But, I must advise, try these puppies first. YOU WILL BE SO GLAD YOU DID. 

I picked Mum up from work yesterday and brought one of these with me. A WARM ONE. I almost circled the block a few times because you guys THE CAR SMELLED SO GOOD I DIDN'T WANT TO STOP DRIVING. It was honey and jam and oats and baked perfection and everything that is safe and right in the world. I was trying to explain the goodness of the smell to my bestie via text message and what we came up with is the olfactory equivalent of Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Robert Downey, Jr., and George Clooney combined into one amazing man. THAT'S HOW GOOD THEY SMELL. 

Incidentally, that comparison made my boyfriend Chris Hemsworth kind of sad. 

But I reminded him that no muffins, not even Oat Bran Muffins with Damson Plum Centres could have a smell equivalent to his wonderfulness and he understood. He's very mature about these things, my boyfriend Chris Hemsworth. And then I gave him a muffin and he felt better. 

And so. These are hearty, nutty, deeply-flavoured muffins. You can actually smell the honey in them, that mellow sweet smell that's so much better than plain sugar. They are crunchy on top and just the right amount of squishy underneath. AND they have THE GREATEST SURPRISE EVER on the inside. Because what's the only way to make an oat-bran-honey-infused muffin taste better? GIVE IT A MOLTEN PLUM JAM MIDDLE THAT'S HOW.

Observe.

SEE WHAT I MEAN? MOLTEN JAMMY CENTRE FOR THE WIN.

Beetle side note: Molten Jammy Centre has been added to list of names of future cats. Right underneath Gluten Free Sparkle Cupcake.

The best was watching Mum take a bite, not get the jammy centre, and go WOW THESE ARE AMAZING and then taking another bite and getting the jammy centre and just . . .  ROUND EYES, SLACK JAW, OMG OMG OMG WHAT ARE THESE HOLY SH*T THESE ARE AMAZING HOW MANY DID YOU MAKE.

I made enough for YOU, Lovely Librarians. I made enough FOR YOU. 

Muffins and Shortbread and Fall OH MY!

Ok so two things need to happen before I launch into BREAKFAST MUFFIN RECAP and MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT PROPER SHORTBREAD. 

1. HAPPY FIRST DAY OF FALL YESTERDAY, YOU GUYS! Fall makes me stupidly happy. It's full of all my favourite things - things like PUMPKINS and LEAVES and APPLES and FIREPLACE SMELLS and BAKING and HOCUS POCUS TV MARATHONS and SWEATERS. My run yesterday morning was full of woodsmoke and mist and leaf-crunch sidewalks and I happy-giggled the whole way through. So. HAPPY FALL EVERYONE! IT'S FINALLY HERE!

2. BEETLE BEDROOM RENOVATION UPDATE! I thought about giving you a bullet point rundown again, but decided that things have reached the stage where ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS are now appropriate. So . . . . virtual drumroll please . . . 

WHADDYA THINK???

Pretty nifty, huh? 

Obviously this is why I haven't posted all week. Because every morning I run, have coffee, put on my painting clothes, and spend the next 10 hours listening to Philippa Gregory audio books and flinging a paintbrush around. It's THE BEST THING EVER. I'm actually secretly going to be bummed when it's over because painting is incredibly therapeutic. Though maybe that's just the fumes talking. 

One of my friends commented that this is TARDIS BLUE. Which. HAPPY DANCE. 

However, dear reader, I do not mean to neglect you. And so I shall now share a few baking exploits from the weekend. Ahem.

One of my favourite things about living in Manhattan was the ready availability of pretty much every magazine known to human kind. On my way back from yoga in Union Square, I could stop in at the Pakistani-run news bodega on 17th street and feast my eyes upon an entire WALL of glossy British home design amazingness. I would buy all of them (no, literally all of them), go home, and dream of a kitchen chock full of hand thrown pottery, an Aga, a sub zero fridge hidden behind bespoke cabinets, a scrubbed wooden table reclaimed from an oak tree that was standing at the Battle of Bosworth Fields, and organic dish towels that were hand-loomed by a carbon-neutral convent of Buddhist nuns off the coast of Cornwall. Good use of $75? Yes, I think so.


But there were also COOKING magazines, and after Gourmet went away, there was nowhere left to turn but overseas. (Before you can ask, let me just say that after a lifetime of Gourmet, flipping through Bon Appetit its sort of like trying to follow a Downton Abby marathon with Alaska State Troopers.) The two magazines that saved my life in this difficult time are Donna Hay and BBC GoodFood.

I went on a muffin kick last month and started adding recipes to my files, and this is one that kept popping up. My Lovely Librarians, beautiful creatures that they are, are health conscious and like yummy yet good-for-you-food. Not that they won't happily take delivery of Death-by-Chocolate brownies, but for the most part their palates run towards the "crunchy" side of things. 

So my dear LLs, these are for you. 

BREAKFAST MUFFINS

(aka HEALTH MUFFINS, START YOUR MORNING RIGHT MUFFINS, MUFFINS THAT CONTAIN ONLY GOOD THINGS MUFFINS, YOU CAN EAT FOUR OF THESE FOR BREAKFAST MUFFINS, MUFFINS THAT HAVE NO BUTTER IN THEM SO UNLESS YOU USE NONSTICK MUFFIN CUPS THEY ARE GOING TO STICK TO THE PAPER SORRY ABOUT THAT YOU GUYS MUFFINS, etc.) 

These will get the super health stamp of approval from just about anyone. They have NO butter, NO sugar, and are made with yoghurt, applesauce, bananas, and honey. They are also packed full of oats, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, and chopped dates. They're like . . . really delicious vitamin pills.

Before I forget here is the recipe. May your conversions be accurate.

So pretty. So secretly unyielding on the bottoms . . . 

BEETLE NOTES

I might have hinted at their biggest issue in the title above, but . . . YOU GUYS I'M SORRY IT WAS A TOTALLY UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCE AND HAD I KNOWN THE PAPER WAS GOING TO STICK TO THE BOTTOM I NEVER NEVER NEVER WOULD HAVE SENT THEM IN ON SATURDAY I AM SO SORRY IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN I PROMISE.

One of the things about not cooking with butter is . . . there's nothing to grease the pan or cup in question. It's a GOOD thing if you are trying to avoid saturated fat, but a BAD thing if you are counting on that butter making the removal of little paper jackets possible. I gotta be honest with you, dear reader, it never even occurred to me that this might be a problem. LIVE AND LEARN, EH BEETLE? LIVE AND LEARN. I seem to remember that somewhere out there there are special nonstick muffin cups? As soon as I can get my hands on them I intend to buy in bulk.

And again, let me say to my Lovely BEYOND Lovely Librarians . . .

ADDITIONAL BEETLE NOTES

There were a few substitutions here. I switched out blueberries in favour of chopped dates. My rolled oats were actually a 5-grain mix including triticale and flax, and because of that I only added sunflower and pumpkin seeds. I also used plain vegetable oil because rapeseed oil is something that the local Hannafords (shockingly) does not carry. I will include one side note to BBCGF (not that they will ever read this) that when you call for "one banana, mashed" you should specify how BIG you want that banana, because a) there are different sizes and b) if you are using pureed baby food instead of actual bananas, you have no idea how much to use. I went with 100g because that's what the applesauce measurement was . . . ? Eh? Seemed to work.

Final verdict: Good recipe! Healthy and yummy! Nonstick muffin cups are a good thing!

MOVING ON

It's gotten to the point in our house that when Mum has to resort to her emergency stash of chocolate biscuits, I feel an almost unbearable pang of guilt. In my mind at that point, I have FAILED as a daughter, resigning her to an evening of (gasp!) store bought dessert. The following is my remedy to that. And what I hoped at the time was a way of making up for a chocolate biscuit night the evening before.

SHORTBREAD (traditional wedge version) 

Note the telltale flakiness . . . now THAT'S shortbread

I don't know if you know this about me, but I have actually never made proper shortbread before. I KNOW, RIGHT? IT TOTALLY SEEMS LIKE SOMETHING I WOULD BE ALL OVER. Well, I never had. Until the other day. Allow me to make a Harry Potter reference and say: 

MISCHIEF MANAGED

I used Martha Stewart's recipe for Shortbread Wedges. I decided that since this was my first official crack at it, I would go the traditional route rather than cinnamon, peanut butter, oatmeal, chocolate chip, etc. Gotta walk before you can fly, dear reader. Or in this case, gotta cream butter before you can add powdered ginger.

BEETLE NOTES

I must say. The only thing "difficult" about this one is the chilling and baking time. Apart from that, it is the definition of easy peasy lemon squeezy. Three ingredients. In a pan. Done and DONE. You just have to budget for half an hour of chilling and almost an hour of baking. But if you are spending the entire day painting, and can run down sporadically to switch things from fridge to oven and set a timer so you don't burn the house down with you inside it, then it's totally not an issue. Also, shortbread smells AMAZING.

ps. Beetle tested. Mum approved. 

And guess what, you guys? NOW IT'S TIME FOR SHORTBREAD EXPERIMENTATION. It's going to involve COOKIE CUTTERS and JAM and CRYSTALLISED GINGER and CONFECTIONER'S SUGAR and GROUND ALMONDS AND HAZELNUTS and CURRENTS and . . . and . . . and . . .

It's Fall! Have A Cookie!

BEETLE BEDROOM RENOVATION UPDATE! So a lot of painting happened yesterday. Essentially, I woke up, went for a run, showered, had coffee, went upstairs, painted, painted, painted, painted, showered, had dinner, and passed out.

• Walls AND ceiling have been given their second and FINAL coat of paint! Woo! 
• Bookcases have been semi-glossed to within an inch of their LIVES and look gorgeous
• We now know that I WILL be obsessive about brush strokes all being in the same direction even if said brush strokes are going to be completely covered by books. Because, as I said yesterday: I will know they're not straight. And it will bother me. 
• Turns out that shrieking obscenities of frustration at TuneIn, and by extension at John Kerry and his endless faffing, is an excellent motivator.
• Wainstcotting has been primed, as has the inside of the closet door. Ready for semi-gloss! 
• Found out that the maps of Tudor England hanging up in there had been cleverly concealing some fairly large patches of peeling paint. Props to my 10 year-old self for realising this was the easiest and most effective method of cover up.  
• Gotta be said: Painting during a thunderstorm = AMAZINGLY FUN. 

The headscarf I opted for yesterday was one of those things you buy and instantly hate (I KNOW you've been there before, dear reader) and so I was delighted to find a use for it that would involve it getting ruined. It's one of those "million use" snood thingys that you can make into a bandanna, a scarf, a body bag, an evening gown, etc. When wrapped around my head which was already wrapped in Swedish milkmaid braids, it has the millionth and ONE use of making me look like a Lancastrian noblewoman from the mid-1400's (see fig. 52, bottom center, below).

Yep. Fig. 52. 

Or, as Mum preferred to make a comparison, like Novice Hame, one of the Sisters of Plenitude cat nuns from Doctor Who. 

I'm actually ok with either one. The Sisters of Plenitude USED to be bad and experiment on humans,
but they've since seen the error of their ways.

HOWEVER.

What's even more exciting than significant painting progress and me looking like a cat nun is the fact that AUTUMNAL BAKING SEASON IS UPON US. [cue Beetle Happy Kitchen Dance] Autumn is without a doubt my favourite kitchen season, and I know many of you will come with me on this. All year long I dream of making things with cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice and cloves, pumpkin and butternut squash, apples and caramel and maple syrup, and all year long I think as soon as it's September Imma kick this shindig off in style. 

Well guess what, dear reader. IT'S SEPTEMBER. 

The following cookies are always the first of the season. I just don't know of a more succinct way of saying YAY IT'S FALL other than HAVE A WHOLE WHEAT OATMEAL SPICE COOKIE.

I mean, if you can think of a better way, by all means . . . 

WHOLE WHEAT OATMEAL SPICE COOKIES

This is taken from my beloved imagined older bff Irma Rombauer and her Bible-like Joy of Cooking. It's an adaptation of her Oatmeal Raisin cookies, switching out all-purpose flour in favour of whole wheat, taking out the raisins and walnuts, and increasing the spices a little bit. 

Whisk together in a large bowl

• 1 3/4 cups whole wheat flour
• 3/4 tsp baking soda
• 3/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 heaping tsp cinnamon
• 1 heaping tsp nutmeg

In your mixmaster, beat together until pale and fluffy

• 2 sticks butter, softened
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 1/2 cups packed dark brown sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 1/2 tsp vanilla

Add the flour mixture a little bit at a time, beating well after each addition and making sure you scrape down the sides of the bowl and get everything blended.

Off the mixmaster, stir in

• 3 1/2 cups rolled or pinhead oats

3 1/2 cups seems like a lot of oats at the time of mixing, but it does all come together in the end.

I promise.

It really does.

Spoon out the dough in your desired cookie-size spoonfuls and bake at 350 degrees for 12 - 14 minutes until the edges start to brown.

They really don't spread that much (especially using whole wheat flour)
so you can space them pretty close. Closer than I did, at any rate.

Remove on racks to cool completely. If you can make it that long.

Double dog dare you. 

BEETLE NOTES

Substituting whole wheat flour for white doesn't always work with cookies, but in the case of Oatmeal Spice, it does. They're already nutty and dark and mellow, so making them a little heavier and "healthier" tasting is only a small step towards Crunchytown and not really all that drastic and/or detrimental. As a matter of fact, if you're one of those people who LIKES their cookies on the healthy side, then this is a good flour-switching opportunity for you.

As per usual, I increased the spices by 1/2 tsp each. The reasons are threefold:

1. I always do. Other people are wimps. We Yankees like 'em good and strong.
2. Whole wheat flour has a much more significant taste than all-purpose, so you have to increase accordingly or they will get lost, and nobody wants that.
3. See reason 2 for the lack of nuts and raisins. If it's just oatmeal and cinnamon/nutmeg calling the shots, you wanna make sure they call them nice and loud.

LOUD ENOUGH FOR YOU? 

Don't be afraid to use Pinhead Oatmeal. I actually thought I was going to, but it turned out I had EXACTLY 3 1/2 cups of rolled oats [brushes off Beetle shoulders in an intensely self-satisfied manner] and so breaking into the Pinhead wasn't necessary. But I have used it before with really positive results. It won't absorb as much liquid as regular Rolled, and so will make whatever you're baking a bit wetter (aka cookies will spread out more, cakes will take a few more minutes) but it gives a really nice hearty crunch, and there's always this cool moment of this doesn't necessarily look like an oatmeal thing but OH HEY OATMEAL, and that's a kind of moment I think everyone should have at least once in life.

Pinhead  or Steelcut aka "unrolled"
aka "what I sometimes call Mum"

Rolled

As always, the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg baking in a warm kitchen is one of the greatest things ever. It just makes you feel so cosy and happy and safe . . . you know what I mean? Like everything is going to be ok, and there's no badness in the world. It's a lovely feeling, however fleeting it may be.

Granted, at the time it was 85 Fahrenheit and 90% humidity and I was baking in my underwear, but still. I HAD A MOMENT.  AND I TREASURED IT. THANK YOU, COOKIES.

So no, the leaves haven't started turning yet. Yes, I still think it's a bit too early for that let's-keep-them-nameless house on Main Street to have both a pumpkin AND a pumpkin wreath on its front door. And yes, I still slept with my fan on last night, but in all matters technical (and animal and vegetable and mineral, haha, obscure Gilbert & Sullivan reference) IT'S FALL, YOU GUYS. DO A HAPPY FALL DANCE.

If you wanna get REALLY technical, dear reader, put it this way: when I can buy a Martha Stewart Living with a depressingly intricately etched Jackolantern on the cover, IT'S ON.

Consider this my Game Face. 

Post-Renovation Dinners and In Defense of Smelly Fish

I may have mentioned this before, dear reader, but we are in the process of redoing my bedroom. It is the culmination of a house-wide redo that has been going on for approximately the last three years. When I was living in New York, I would come home once every month or so and play the super fun "what's different" game. I also got really good at emerging from the shower, realising that there were workmen downstairs, and sprinting, dripping and towel-clad, down the hallway towards the modesty of my bathrobe.

I did once, and only once mind you, crack my feminist exterior and make chocolate chip cookies for the housepainters. And then packaged them up and wandered around the house simpering and handing them out. In my defense, they were Irish. With accents. I defy anyone with an ounce of estrogen not to go completely gooey in the presence of a man who not only has a LILT, but is HANDY. It can't be done.

My bedroom was left until last, presumably because I wasn't living in it and therefore renovations weren't necessary. Now that I am home, though, I'm starting to tire of sleeping in the guest room, and I'm very much looking forward to having . . . Virginia Woolf pun coming . . . a room of my own.

So, dear reader, here is the first installment of BEETLE BEDROOM RENOVATION UPDATE!

• Walls, having been given two coats of primer, have now been given their first coat of proper paint
• Same goes for the ceiling
• Side note: the ceiling required extra spot-patching with primer, as we had to eradicate my 7th grade decision to cover it in purple glitter shooting stars. Amazing at the time. Not really the look I'm going for at the moment. 
• The bookcases (of which there are 5) have been primed, and are ready and waiting for their probably only one necessary coat of semi-gloss
• Same goes for the doors

But Beetle, you ask, what is your colour scheme? Well, thanks for asking, dear reader! My colour scheme is what I like to call "Scandinavian Country Estate."

Kind of like this. 

Or this. Except, you know, not in an 18th century estate in the Norwegian countryside. 

The ceilings and walls and trim will be White (not "scary white" but "normal white"); the floor will be something called "Jekyll Clubhouse Yellow", and the bed and doors will be something called "Filoli Dark Iris". Both, incidentally, are those neato-pants National Trust Heritage Colours, which a) good historical stuff and b) perfect if the above photos are what you're going for. ANYWAY. I'll keep you guys posted on the developments, which, if nothing else, will actively prompt me to HAVE developments by token of projected shame.  

Beetle Painting Lesson Of The Day: If you are wearing gloves that are covered in Eggshell-Gloss Off White, do NOT pull your yoga pants up without first removing said gloves. Otherwise . . . let's just say you shouldn't ever really have to turpentine that particular part of your body. 

MOVING ON. 

So yes, baking happened this week, but since a lot of time has been spent upstairs with a t-shirt wrapped around my head, the cooking has been kept to things that are quick and easy, healthy and yummy, and that can be made without doing a store run. HENCE. 

FAST EASY YUMMY AND HEALTHY DINNER SLIDESHOW

Spiced Tomato and Potato Soup

Spinach Salad with Lentils, Mushrooms, and Fennel

Mushroom and Fennel Broth for use in many things later on

Green Soup with Noodles and Fish

SPICED TOMATO AND POTATO SOUP

This one is crazypants easy and can be made in 20 minutes in one pot. Apologies in advance to all my Indian friends because imma use curry powder and various spices in the next few sentences and please don't judge and/or cut me off because I know I'm desecrating your food. Please remember how much you love me. Please.

Pretty, pretty, pretty. 

All you need for this is a few tomatoes (or a can of diced or chopped if you're desperate), a few potatoes, some vegetable broth and/or water, some olive oil, and a few curry-making spices. If you HAVE an onion, go ahead. If not, no worries.

And also oh so delicious.

We are lucky in that our handyman grows his own awesome tomatoes, and he brings us bags and bags of them whenever he comes to caulk or plaster something, which is . . . every day at the moment.

Chop up your tomatoes and potatoes and put them in a saucepot. Pour enough broth or water in so that they are JUST covered, then add a few tbs of olive oil and some salt and pepper. To this mixture I added 2 tsp of Turmeric, 2 tsp of Cumin, and 2 tbs of Curry Powder.

This is one of those dinners that you can finish painting, go downstairs to the kitchen, start it going, go back upstairs, wrap up your paintbrushes, rub turpentine all over your arms and hands, take a shower, put on your pjs, and come down to dinner being done. Which is kind of what all dinners should be like.

SPINACH AND LENTIL SALAD WITH MUSHROOMS AND FENNEL

This takes a bit more preparation, but really isn't that bad, and makes enough for a few nights. Think of it as an investment.

• 2 cups baby spinach leaves
• 2 cups mushrooms, washed and sliced
• 1 large fennel bulb, diced
• 1 medium onion, diced
• 1 can Lentils
• Olive Oil, salt, pepper 

Have I ever mentioned how much I love Fennel? I have? Oh. Well. I still love it. 

This is yet another take on my summer obsession with grain salads, and the concept of mixing cooked vegetables and carbs with leafy greens. It's an infinitely adaptable meal that really can involve anything you have in your fridge or cupboards.

Heat the olive oil in a large pan and add the chopped Fennel and Mushrooms. Cook them until they're good and browned, about 10 minutes. Remove from the pan into a bowl and set aside. In the same pan, add more oil and the chopped onion, cooking for about 7 minutes until it starts to go brown. Add the lentils and stir them around for another 3 minutes or so, then transfer them to the bowl containing the Fennel and Mushrooms, and combine, adding a bit more olive oil if you need to.

In a large bowl, toss the cooked veggies and beans with the baby spinach, and serve warm. 

SIDE BEETLE PROJECT: I steamed 1/2 a cup of the sliced Mushrooms and some of the Fennel, reserving the cooking water, and pureed them in a food processor. Adding the cooking water and puree together makes a Mushroom-Fennel soup that is not only amazing, but Beetle-Friendly too. Huzzah all round!

Number of times I asked Mum "so how do you feel about Mushrooms?"
Conservative estimate: 7 million

OTHER USES FOR MUSHROOM BROTH

My current guilty food habit is those Tofu Noodles you can buy with the rest of the veggie proteins in the grocery store. This is a mis-categorization, as they don't actually have any protein to speak of. As a matter of fact, they don't really have any nutritional content to speak of. As a matter of fact, they don't really have any TASTE to speak of. HOWEVER. When you add them to a Mushroom Broth thickened with Pureed Mushrooms and Fennel, and add to that a few handfuls of leafy greens (Kale, Spinach, Arugula in this case), it goes all awesome and delicious and turns into an earthy and mellow Bright Green Soup of Wonderful, and you end up burning your tongue because you're trying to eat it too fast because it's just. that. good.

In a very Thai-cuisine move, I added fish to the top of this. The fish happened to be sardines. I LIKE SARDINES YOU GUYS. AND I'M NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT. I know, I know, I'm a weirdo, blah blah blah. Just pass me all of yours, AND all your pickled herring. I will give you all of my avocado and we'll never fight again, ok? Ok.

For the record, it was DELICIOUS. So there. And I imagine it would be delicious if you added a "normal person" fish like salmon or tuna or what have you.

Beetle Acquired Taste Note: Tofu noodles are not for everyone. I just think of my bff Liz looking at me when I order regular tofu in a restaurant and going " . . . it just doesn't taste like . . . anything." I can only imagine what she would say if I made her try the noodle version. They definitely need to be added to something. But if and once you do, you may be pleasantly surprised. Like tofu, they take on the flavour of whatever is around them. If that happens to be really yummy green soup, so much the better.

As for Sardines being an acquired taste . . .

Whatever. More for me. 

I will end this with a particularly lovely-looking loaf of Beetle Bread that happened on Monday. Like the Baking Powder Biscuits of last week, Beetle Bread is something that happens on a weekly or sometimes twice weekly basis, and as such is normally made in 20 minutes and I don't remember to stop and photograph it because I'm just doing it before folding the laundry or taking out the recycling or running outside to yell at the Bastard Cat next door or whatever. But when it comes out looking like this, I feel the need to share.

This particular loaf is Whole Wheat Rye, btw.
It's my current fav combo, although I did make Whole Wheat Five Grain Cereal on Sunday, too.

I'm getting better at scoring the top so it looks all cool and craggy like that. 

Dude I am TOTALLY drawing a Beetle on there next time.