MAINE HAPPENED. I ate myself into a lobster coma, I dropped my r's even more than I normally do. I discussed Kate Middleton's wedding gown with my grandmother yet again (consensus remains: sleeves=classy), and watched my nephew photobomb like his life depended on it. I took sunrise beach walks with Mum (see above) and debated who had the prettier footprints, and I acquired several thousand more freckles. This is why this post is only happening today. I hope you'll forgive me.
AND NOW.
The scene is the grocery store, last Sunday afternoon, having just seen Elysium which, go see it. It's awesome.
Me: I'm going to make bread this week, when you finish that caraway loaf.
Mum: The one we got yesterday on the way home? It sucks.
Mum: It sucks.
Me: Oh. Well I guess I'll make bread tomorrow then.
Mum: I'm going to throw it out, it's inedible, all wet and gross and I can't make toast with it.
Me: I can use it. I'll think of something. [noticing the amount of tomatoes in our shopping cart] Probably something with tomatoes. Hey! Tomato Bread Pudding! Done.
Mum: Wouldn't tomatoes be weird in a dessert?
Me: [massive eye roll] SAVOURY bread pudding. It'll be a dinner pudding.
Mum: Wait but doesn't savoury mean sweet?
Me: [losing power of speech, resorting to more eye rolling and various apoplectic hand gestures]
Anyway, this began under the amused but very confused eye of the 15 year-old boy bagging our groceries, and continued out to the car, where she drove home whilst I Wikipedia-ed the word "savoury" and proved, yet again, that I was right, before we both segued into a discussion on the unfairness of third world medicine, how much the drug companies suck, and just exactly what kind of secret CIA medicinal treatments Dick Cheney must be getting in order to keep his evil, twisted carcass alive. You know, typical Sunday.
TOMATO BREAD PUDDING (or a version thereof)
I debated whether to make scalloped tomatoes with layered bread, a la the Tomato White Bean Pie, but in the end came down on the side of custard makes everything better and also I wanted to try something new. I found a recipe for Tomato Bread Pudding at epicurious.com that at first glance looked normal and sane. It wasn't until I printed it out, got into the kitchen, and actually took a good hard look at it that I realised it was . . . shall we say . . . overly complicated to the point of a personality disorder. For a pie that serves 8 people, that's a hell of a lot of cream and milk and holy hell EGGS and also 10 cups of bread? Really? I like bread probably more than the average person, but even to me that seems excessive. ALSO. IS IT NECESSARY TO ROAST YOUR TOMATOES AND GARLIC FOR AN HOUR BEFORE YOU EVEN BEGIN COOKING THE PUDDING PART, WHICH ALSO TAKES AN HOUR?
Exactly. Psych consult, party of one? Your table's ready.
My version (tasteless bastardization that it is) is significantly more slapdash and more Hillbilly Beetle. But it was pretty easy, and didn't take a lot of time and / or crazy skills, and it's pretty tasty. So. There you have it. Talk to the hand, Gourmet.
Actually, don't. Please come back into circulation I love you so hard I miss you.
HILLBILLY BEETLE VERSION PLUS NOTES
- 3 small containers cherry tomatoes, in red and orange and yellow
- Fresh Basil, Fresh Thyme (don't be stingy, this recipe can it)
- Olive Oil
- 1 tbs minced garlic (yes, from a jar. DEAL WITH IT.)
- Roughly 2 1/2 cups cubed whole wheat caraway bread (there was half a loaf left in the bread bin)
- 1 cup milk
- 3 eggs, beaten
- 1 cup grated Parmesan cheese plus more for dinner plate sprinkling
Whilst they are toasting, in a large bowl combine tomatoes, milk, eggs, and cheese. I was using cherry tomatoes and so I sliced them in half, and left the small ones alone. If you are using larger ones, dice/cut accordingly. But remember that that they will soften deliciously when cooked so don't worry too much about it. (Let's face it, everyone loves a large, soft, charred tomato.)
Combine the bread and the tomato mixture in a baking dish, making sure that everything is evenly coated. FYI I used my brownie pan for this, which had a nice lip to it so everything stayed in place.
If you need to add more milk, cheese, herbs, tomatoes, now's the time. This is the free-for-all section where you adjust according to your own tastes, pan size, ingredients, etc. It'll all be good, though. I promise.
Bake at 400 degrees for about 40 minutes, until the egg has cooked completely and the top has gone dark and crispy.
BEETLE NOTES
This version needs tweaking, I will be the first to admit that. It needs a bit more flavour, which of course you would get if you preroasted the tomatoes and the garlic for an hour. And I think I might end up doing something along those lines next time. The second night of this I added another handful of tomatoes, more herbs, and also some sliced sausage. That helped in the flavour department. What this version IS is lighter on the eggs and cream and milk. It's a bread pudding, but less emphasis on the "pudding" part. Maybe halfway between a quiche and a pudding? But with bread instead of a crust? A "quidding"? A "puche"? Eh. I'll get there.
Hey, Beetle, why did you make what you are calling as of 10 seconds ago
CORNMEAL SANDWICH BREAD?
Well, dear reader, that's an interesting question. Turns out that that's what you end up making with your baking cupboard contains one cup of whole wheat flour, one cup of rough cut cornmeal, and a lot of all-purpose bread flour. Good thing is, it's delicious. Crusty and chewy and and good not just for toast but for dinner purposes as well. Who knew?
FIG JAM THUMBPRINT COOKIES
Upon deciding to make Jam Thumbprints, good ol' Martha and I had a confab and she came up with this beauty. It's ostensibly from her Christmas Cookbook, but I feel jam thumbprints should be readily available 365 days a year. I know you probably feel the same way about this.
As usual, the woman knows her sh*t. I have very little to say about this one, except for one, ok, one pretty indignant
BEETLE NOTE
When you read this recipe you will notice at the top of the page that it says "Makes About 3 Dozen". THIS IS A LIE. Allow me to direct your attention to the photo on the right. Do you know what that shows? That shows the amount of dough generated WHEN THE RECIPE WAS DOUBLED. Aaaalllll that metallic space you see? That's a mixing bowl notably EMPTY of cookie dough. I wanted to take a picture of the amount of dough generated when I followed the measurements initially, but it was actually too small to be seen by the naked eye.
So.
Martha.
I love you. You know that. We've had our ups and downs but I like to think we've reached a pretty good understanding at this point. But unless your cookies are LITERALLY 1/2 a nano-millimeter wide (and what kind of person would make those) you need to recheck your figures. I made what I considered to be "normal and perhaps slightly on the conservative side" size cookies, with a double batch, and I didn't get 3 dozen.
I'm just saying. The cookies are DELICIOUS. Absolutely spot on in the Jam Thumbprint department. But let's call a spade a spade, and a measuring spoon a measuring spoon, and stop pretending that we are Kebler Elves. Nobody could get 3 dozen out of that. NOBODY.
As a matter of fact, when Mum came home the Jam had not yet been spooned in, and there was a small tussle (which, thankfully, Lovely Librarians, I won) during which I reminded her that Thumbprints for Thumbprints' sake were all well and good but that she would enjoy them so much more with Jam. And that she should stop eating empty ones off the cookie sheet.
The Lovely Librarians also gave these the seal of approval. And I'm happy to report that repeats have most definitely been ordered. These are SO quick, SO easy, and SO applicable to whatever jam you have, that (see above, as long as you double the recipe) this one is a keeper for the ages. Thanks, Martha. Love ya.
Side Beetle Note that this dough is pretty similar to a shortbread base. I'm going to try rolling it out in a sheet pan and cutting it into shortbread fingers. (Which I suppose you could always dip in jam if you felt they were lacking that je ne sais quoi, for which you would be totally forgiven.)
Obviously any kind of Jam is good here, and I would be remiss if I did not encourage experimentation. Fig was what came up in discussion, Fig was what we had extra jars of in the cupboards, and Fig happens to be a household favourite chez Beetle. Also, FIGS ARE DELICIOUS. Let's just get that out there. They are good pretty much all of the time, regardless of whether what you are eating is sweet or savoury. I think it's just that depth of sweetness that they have, you know? They're like Dates. They can go with salt or sugar or meat or greens, or whatever else you're making. By token of the fact that they defy categorization, they can fall pretty much anywhere.
Something like a blueberry or raspberry is amazing, obviously, but it's just BAM. SWEET. YAY. and then it's over, and they are almost exclusively relegated to the sweet part of a menu. Their sweetness and yumminess almost feels superficial by comparison.
Wait, did I just call blueberries ditzy? Yes, I think I did.
Bake at 400 degrees for about 40 minutes, until the egg has cooked completely and the top has gone dark and crispy.
 |
| I had no grated Parmesan in the fridge so I had to go ACTUAL GRATED. Almost lost a finger, but it's worth it. |
 |
| Ask yourself. Do you REALLY need all your fingers to hold a fork? Exactly. |
BEETLE NOTES
This version needs tweaking, I will be the first to admit that. It needs a bit more flavour, which of course you would get if you preroasted the tomatoes and the garlic for an hour. And I think I might end up doing something along those lines next time. The second night of this I added another handful of tomatoes, more herbs, and also some sliced sausage. That helped in the flavour department. What this version IS is lighter on the eggs and cream and milk. It's a bread pudding, but less emphasis on the "pudding" part. Maybe halfway between a quiche and a pudding? But with bread instead of a crust? A "quidding"? A "puche"? Eh. I'll get there.
 |
| Note the dark and crispy. |
BREAD COMMERCIAL BREAK!
Hey, Beetle, why did you make what you are calling as of 10 seconds ago
CORNMEAL SANDWICH BREAD?
Well, dear reader, that's an interesting question. Turns out that that's what you end up making with your baking cupboard contains one cup of whole wheat flour, one cup of rough cut cornmeal, and a lot of all-purpose bread flour. Good thing is, it's delicious. Crusty and chewy and and good not just for toast but for dinner purposes as well. Who knew?
WE NOW RETURN TO SCHEDULED BEETLE PROGRAMMING
FIG JAM THUMBPRINT COOKIES
Upon deciding to make Jam Thumbprints, good ol' Martha and I had a confab and she came up with this beauty. It's ostensibly from her Christmas Cookbook, but I feel jam thumbprints should be readily available 365 days a year. I know you probably feel the same way about this.
As usual, the woman knows her sh*t. I have very little to say about this one, except for one, ok, one pretty indignant
BEETLE NOTE
 |
| Exhibit A. Distinct lack of dough. |
When you read this recipe you will notice at the top of the page that it says "Makes About 3 Dozen". THIS IS A LIE. Allow me to direct your attention to the photo on the right. Do you know what that shows? That shows the amount of dough generated WHEN THE RECIPE WAS DOUBLED. Aaaalllll that metallic space you see? That's a mixing bowl notably EMPTY of cookie dough. I wanted to take a picture of the amount of dough generated when I followed the measurements initially, but it was actually too small to be seen by the naked eye.
So.
Martha.
I love you. You know that. We've had our ups and downs but I like to think we've reached a pretty good understanding at this point. But unless your cookies are LITERALLY 1/2 a nano-millimeter wide (and what kind of person would make those) you need to recheck your figures. I made what I considered to be "normal and perhaps slightly on the conservative side" size cookies, with a double batch, and I didn't get 3 dozen.
I'm just saying. The cookies are DELICIOUS. Absolutely spot on in the Jam Thumbprint department. But let's call a spade a spade, and a measuring spoon a measuring spoon, and stop pretending that we are Kebler Elves. Nobody could get 3 dozen out of that. NOBODY.
 |
| They are really, really good though. |
 |
| And so nice looking. With and WITHOUT jam. |
 |
| Though obviously Jam is preferable. |
 |
| To be fair, they ARE rather tempting. And so easy to eat. |
The Lovely Librarians also gave these the seal of approval. And I'm happy to report that repeats have most definitely been ordered. These are SO quick, SO easy, and SO applicable to whatever jam you have, that (see above, as long as you double the recipe) this one is a keeper for the ages. Thanks, Martha. Love ya.
Side Beetle Note that this dough is pretty similar to a shortbread base. I'm going to try rolling it out in a sheet pan and cutting it into shortbread fingers. (Which I suppose you could always dip in jam if you felt they were lacking that je ne sais quoi, for which you would be totally forgiven.)
Obviously any kind of Jam is good here, and I would be remiss if I did not encourage experimentation. Fig was what came up in discussion, Fig was what we had extra jars of in the cupboards, and Fig happens to be a household favourite chez Beetle. Also, FIGS ARE DELICIOUS. Let's just get that out there. They are good pretty much all of the time, regardless of whether what you are eating is sweet or savoury. I think it's just that depth of sweetness that they have, you know? They're like Dates. They can go with salt or sugar or meat or greens, or whatever else you're making. By token of the fact that they defy categorization, they can fall pretty much anywhere.
Something like a blueberry or raspberry is amazing, obviously, but it's just BAM. SWEET. YAY. and then it's over, and they are almost exclusively relegated to the sweet part of a menu. Their sweetness and yumminess almost feels superficial by comparison.
Wait, did I just call blueberries ditzy? Yes, I think I did.
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