Cooking for Vladimir

So. Olympics.

As I was saying to a friend of mine yesterday, I am conflicted about Sochi. On the one hand, I genuinely love a good Olympics. I love the cheese, the celebrations, the watching people do things that I will never in a million years be able to do. I love the uniforms and the sparkles. I love the fact that they are ALWAYS ON TELEVISION so that no matter what I am doing I can tune in and watch people do insane things.

On the other hand, this Olympics is THE WORST. Or, more specifically, Vladimir Putin is the worst. I mean Bond villain worst. Except that the Bond villain always gets his comeuppance in the end, and no matter how many things he blows up or how many people he kills, you can kind of shrug it off because you know it's not real. But in Putin's case, not only is it INCREDIBLY REAL AND HARMING ACTUAL PEOPLE AND THINGS, there is no evidence to state that he is anywhere NEAR getting his comeuppance any time soon.

There's been a lot of talk about corruption, gay rights, and general arresting and murdering of pretty much anyone Putin or his friends feel like. What's significant is that this is STATUS QUO for Russia, it's just that because everyone is paying attention all of a sudden things are getting vaguely reported (except for local news which insists on covering the persimmons you can get in the Sochi farmers market I am not making that up). And because of the scale of the Olympics, the scale of the corruption is proportionally much larger and more public.

The Anti-Corruption Foundation has put up a website in conjunction with the investigation done by Alexey Navalny into who contracted and subcontracted what, and just how much natural environment has and is going to be destroyed. FOR REAL GO AND LOOK. THE LINK IS HERE. And also check out the breakdown that BuzzFeed did into some of the most blatant. They're not even TRYING to hide it anymore, they're just openly and happily making themselves richer at the expense of everyone and everything because nobody is around to stop them. And if they are, they end up beaten, dead, or in a gulag, a la Pussy Riot. Or Alexey Navalny himself. 

Basically, all roads don't just lead to Sochi, all roads lead to Putin. 

That being said. I am going to watch the Olympics. But I am going to watch with a HUGE grain of salt. I am going to watch cynically, at times sadly, and as pragmatically as possible. Will I enjoy it? Absolutely. But I will try to keep all the above in mind, and hope very much that maybe, maybe, the iota of attention that the global media is all of a sudden paying to Putin and his cronies has some positive impact on the lives of Russian citizens. We can hope, dear reader, we can hope. 

BUT IN THE MEANTIME. 

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO DURING THE OLYMPICS

• Watching Vladimir Putin naked horseback ride through the stadium during the Opening Ceremonies
• Cheering for Finland for a change because they are woefully underrepresented in summer sports but when it comes time for anything on skis, anything on a sled, or anything that involves freezing your bum off in a lycra bodysuit emblazoned with the ol' white and blue, they are all LET'S GO. 
• NB: They still almost never win anything, but it's the seeing them and cheering that counts
• Watching Vladimir Putin naked-wrestle a polar bear during the Opening Ceremonies
• Watching Meryl Davis and Charlie White KICK EVERYONE ELSE'S BACKSIDES during the Ice Dancing. 
• Just watching Meryl Davis and Charlie White PERIOD because holy god they are awesome and pretty and I love their sparkly outfits and precise and fluid choreography.
• Watching Vladimir Putin naked-hunt a reindeer with a crossbow during the Opening Ceremonies.
• Ski jumping, Cross Country Skiing, Nordic Combined, the amazingly insane Biathalon (thank you, Norwegian military!), the aforementioned Ice Dancing, and Freestyle Skiing.
• Watching Vladimir Putin do a naked Skeleton run during the Opening Ceremonies 

No full post this week because I am OLYMPIC PARTY PREPPING.

Incidentally, with a Forever Lazy on and bright orange washing-up gloves, I look like a North Korean nuclear inspector. OH WAIT EXCEPT THEY DON'T HAVE THOSE BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO NUCLEAR WEAPONS HOW SILLY OF ME.

Sorry, sorry. ON TO THE FOOD. SUCH AS IT STANDS.

As Grace Kelly would say in Rear Window:

Preview of Coming Attractions . . . 

BLUE CHEESE CRACKERS (FIG JAM TO BE ADDED JUST BEFORE SERVING, OBVI)

BLACK BREAD 

Because it wouldn't be RUSSIA without black bread would it? 

BUTTERMILK LAYER CAKE (frosting TBD, along with LOTS OF DECORATIONS including sugar letters, frosting, and sparkles JUST WAIT YOU GUYS JUST WAIT)

And, of course

ROSEMARY ROASTED POTATOES

Because if I have to watch dear Vladimir do even ONE of the aforementioned things during Opening Ceremonies (and you know it's going to happen) I better be getting potatoes out of the deal.

So, dear reader. COOKING CONTINUES. There will be Buttercream Frosting, Onion Pie, Meatballs, and Cranberry Relish. Probably a full post on Saturday, if I can tear myself away from Ice Dancing and Cross Country Skiing.

Incidentally, I am now dating THE ENTIRE Finnish hockey team. Just for the record. My boyfriend Chris Hemsworth understands, he's cool like that.

UNTIL THEN, DEAR READER, UNTIL THEN.