Partying Russian Style

I know I said Saturday for a post. But. Clearly. THINGS.

Things like discovering that Biathalon is THE BEST SPORT EVER and that I am completely and utterly in awe of the people that do it. I'm actually surprised the Norwegian army hasn't taken over the entire world considering the fact that if you can do the Biathalon, you can pretty much do anything. For real, you guys, we should all be speaking Norwegian right now.

Things like realising that no matter how hard core and Yankee I think I am getting, I can be shamed into a fetal ball of Paris Hilton fluffiness by the mere sight of the Norwegian women cross country skiiers. They. Are. So. Amazing. And. I. Am. A. Giant. Marshmallow.

Things like explaining the scoring system for the Team Figure Skating competition to Mum for probably longer than I should admit to in a public forum, and when she finally got it, and said "Sorry, I bet your dinner is cold now do you want to heat it up" responding oh-so-maturely "ARE YOU KIDDING ME IT'S TIME FOR BREAKFAST ALREADY."

Things like watching dear Vladimir creepily congratulate the Russian figure skaters wearing a lecherous red parka, and hoping that all of them survive to the end of the games.

HOWEVER.

There are updates to be shared of a culinary nature. And I may not be able to shoot an air rifle from a prone and/or standing position, but I CAN load pictures. So there.

OLYMPICS PARTY POST-PARTY SLIDESHOW AND DISCUSSION POINTS

menu

Black Bread

Blue Cheese and Fig Jam Thumbprints

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Rosemary Roasted Potatoes

Onion and Mushroom Pie with Mustard Crust

Vegetarian Swedish Meatballs with

Cranberry and Red Cabbage Slaw

Whole Wheat Penne with Kale, Olives, and Goat Cheese

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Buttermilk Olympics Cake w Vanilla Buttercream

small beetle note: I tried to be good about taking photos, but it got a little nuts just as everyone was arriving and I might have missed a few presentation / table placement shots. I'M SORRY. For the record, if I'm not taking pictures, nobody is. I can't give the task to Mum because she still looks through the manual viewfinder like it's an old Nikon and still hits the shutter with enough force to smack the frame out of focus.

TBH, I think the cat could do it better, perhaps next time I will ask her.

MOVING ON

BLACK BREAD

BEETLE NOTES: Ain't nuthin' wrong with this one. Tried and tested, hands down the best black bread recipe I own. The original calls for 2 cups of grated carrot, but I've found better consistency with a can of pumpkin puree mixed with half a cup of either oatbran or wheatgerm, to make up for the texture. The bread is dense, rich, and sweet without being dessert-y sweet. Sweet in that "good bread" sense of the word if that makes sense.

As you can see, I made one loaf long and skinny, baguette like, for party purposes, and served it with butter.

And if the bread is good, butter really is all you need.

That's gotta be a proverb somewhere in the world.

BLUE CHEESE AND FIG THUMBPRINTS

BEETLE NOTES AND PHOTOGRAPHIC APOLOGIES: I made these at Thanksgiving and they went down a treat. Olympics party proved no exception. I don't have any pictures of them wearing their oven-warmed jam hats, but if you click through to the Thanksgiving post you can see them there. Anyway, they're easy, tasty, a nice departure from classic party nibbles, and a Mum favourite. Win win and win.

Oh also. The good thing about these is that if you ARE serving them for a party, you can make them a few days ahead of time and keep them in Tupperware, then do the whole jam / oven thing a few minutes before guest arrival. So they free up cooking time in the days leading up. I mean, if you are the kind of person who makes colour-coded cooking calendars and shopping lists. I find it helpful.

ROSEMARY ROASTED POTATOES

BEETLE NOTES: I mean. Yeah.

MUSHROOM AND ONION PIE WITH MUSTARD CRUST

This is a Nigella recipe. As such, it's warming, delicious, and you want to eat ALL of it in one sitting. She's good like that. The original called for only onions, but I had mushrooms kicking around, and I felt like it couldn't hurt.

You cook the onions (and mushrooms if you've got 'em) in butter for about 20 minutes until everything is gorgeous and brown and soft, then dump them in the bottom of a pie plate.

The crust is a scone dough of parmesan cheese and mustard, and you squish it down on top of the onion mixture before baking. (and obviously you add more cheese before because why wouldn't you see below)

And when it comes out it's all brown and yummy and bubbly.

The scary part is inverting it out onto a serving dish. Not the actual inversion, that part is actually really fun. No, the scary part is feeling it slide ooooohhhhh soooo sllooowwwwllllyyyyy out onto the serving platter and praying to the god you really don't think has ANY control over ANYTHING that it won't just disintegrate and cover your counter with onions and mushrooms and butter and cheese and mustard. 

 But you know what? IT WORKED.

Final Beetle Note: BOOYAH.

SWEDISH MEATBALLS CRANBERRY AND RED CABBAGE SLAW

1. Vegetarian Swedish Meatballs are REALLY YUMMY.
2. Yes, it is possible to have a vegetarian meatball.
3. No, a vegetarian meatball is not an oxymoron.
4. Yes, I am tired of explaining this to people. IT'S NOT AN OXYMORON IT'S A SIGN OF THE TIMES. GET ON THE SOY PROTEIN TRAIN ALREADY IT'S A DELICIOUS TRAIN AND IT'S LEAVING THE STATION.
5. I don't have good photos of these. It was too dark by the time I finished frying them. And then I ate them all. Sorry.

On the other hand . . .

Newly discovered favourite cooking vegetable.

This started because the last three times I've made veggie meatballs I've served them with cranberry sauce (as is appropriate in Scandinavia and should be everywhere, really). However, once Thanksgiving is over, if you live in rural Massachusetts, unless you have direct access to a cranberry bog, fresh cranberries are not going to happen. BELIEVE ME. I'VE TRIED. 

So I needed a cranberry-ish thing that would be tart and sweet and warm and a good accompaniment. And Deb Henry came through (for reals. Roast Figs Sugar Snow is my new fav cookbook of the moment) with this glorious thing. I don't know if it's a relish or a slaw or a compote or something else. But it made its debut in the top 10 of the "to be made again ASAP when we don't have guests so I can eat it all myself" list so there you have it.

Basically you cook onions and red cabbage in butter, add dried cranberries, balsamic vinegar, and allspice, and let the whole thing simmer on the back burner for about half an hour until it's soft and tart and glorious.

I also added apple cider, incidentally. It seemed appropriate. For serving, I put the cabbage in a big round platter and piled the meatballs on top of it. I SWEAR I took a picture but apparently my camera ate them all too.

WHOLE WHEAT PENNE WITH KALE, OLIVES, AND GOAT CHEESE

So I needed something green. With a carb base. That wasn't "northern hemisphere cooking" based. And everyone loves kale. AM I RIGHT, HIPSTERS OF THE WORLD?

I cooked the kale in olive oil and lemon juice, then added the goat cheese and olives and let it get all melty and gooey. 

It was a good balance to the very earthy and brown rest of the dishes, but still hearty and warming and filling.

And, as Mum says, very good for breakfast.

But where are my manners, dear reader? WHERE ARE THEY?

WHAT ABOUT THE CAKE?

oh yes.

After semi-party-demolition and the partial-eating of SOCHI.

You can sort of see the Olympic rings I did in icing. Or tried to do. "Tried" being the operative word.

This cake. THIS CAKE. Again, Nigella is to thank. This is her Buttermilk Layer Cake recipe, and I gotta say it's the Buttermilk that makes all the difference (which should also be a proverb somewhere).

I already showed you how fluffy these things were out of the oven. 

I think it was a combination of Buttermilk and the fact that I let the mixer go on high for a long, long, long time before I poured the batter out. But whatever the deciding factor, the fluff factor on this cake is astronomical. It rises insanely high, yet stays incredibly dense at the same time.

And a thick layer of Vanilla Buttercream doesn't hurt the situation, either.

Or two thick layers for that matter.

The two layers rose high enough they actually spilled over the edges of the baking pans. Which made frosting slightly more difficult (though still really, really, really fun). And the double layer cake is . . . just . . . A MONSTER. A DELICIOUS, BLUE AND WHITE, SUGAR-LETTERED-OLYMPIC-RINGED-MONSTER.

So, dear reader, the party was delightful. Lots of food, lots of yelling Putin-based insults at the screen, lots of laughter and happy times.

And I can now spend the next four days eating leftovers and watching Norwegians on skis with air rifles on their backs plan world domination.

I for one will gladly surrender.