Happy Birthday To Me

This picture pretty much says it all. My birthday was gooey and delicious, cool and crisp, rustic and homemade, cheesy and ridiculous all at the same time. It was A VERY HAPPY DAY, dear reader, A VERY VERY HAPPY DAY. A VERY VERY HAPPY DRAMA FREE 30TH BIRTHDAY. It was, really, a BEETLE BIRTHDAY HAPPINESS EXPLOSION. 

Do I feel older? No, not really. Am I acting older and with newfound maturity? Absolutely not.

I told you last week what the birthday agenda was, and, true to OCD form, we stuck to it almost to the second. The Pumpkin Festival was indeed adorbs, and involved jam and candles and a book sale and bonus alpacas. And there WAS face painting, which made me initially quite happy. However . . .

Me: "Oh look! They have face painting!"
Mum: "You know what I think is really stupid? Face painting.

She spent the next twenty minutes telling me that if I really wanted to get a bat or a pumpkin on my cheek she thought it would be a nice idea. I spent the next twenty minutes giving my side eye a workout.

HIGHLIGHTS OF HAPPINESS EXPLOSION DAY AND WEEKEND

• Being 15 minutes late to our facials because of . . . wait for it . . . THE TRACTOR PULL. I'm not making that up. 
• Promising the girl doing my facial that that was NOT a cold sore on my lip, and conveniently omitting the fact that it was poison ivy, and hearing BFF explode in conspiratorial and highly incriminating giggles. She never could keep it together, even in 7th grade. 
• Realising that the girl at the fish counter is now MY OWN FISH GIRL YOU GUYS I HAVE A FISH GIRL THAT IS BETTER THAN ALL MY PRESENTS COMBINED. I showed up on Saturday (she promised she was getting a new delivery in) and she was all HEY WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN and I was all OMG HEY NEW BEST FRIEND WHO HAS INSIDE FISH KNOWLEDGE and she was all  WE GOT IT FROM THE GULF OF MAINE THIS MORNING I SET ASIDE SOME FOR YOU and I was all PLAY IT COOL BEETLE YOU CAN'T LET HER SEE HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES YOU SHE'LL REJECT YOU FOR LIFE. It was awesome. BFF witnessed it so IT'S OFFICIAL FOREVER END OF STORY. 
• Getting the best birthday hug from the cat EVER (which is of course how I got poison ivy on my lip in the first place but oh well). 
• Finally being able to wear the long underwear I "secretly ordered for myself" from L.L. Bean. They. Are. So. Comfy. 
• Breaking in the new running clothes I also "secretly ordered for myself" and feeling fast and fashionable and fabulous.
• Runner rule, FYI (this exists, ask anyone): it's not truly "yours" until you blow your nose on it. 
• Paying a visit to my tattoo guy and getting four of my white ones touched up for what I think (!!) is the last time. Which means a) I keep staring at my arms and b) new ones next! 
• Explaining the Danish "æ" grapheme to him as I lay on the table with a needle gun poised over my arm., seeing his truly spectacular side eye, going "that's what you get for getting a Danish funeral hymn on your arm, huh?" and getting a groundshakingly sarcastic "yeah guess so" in reply. (Incidentally: new fun fact, "æ" is a "monophthongal vowel phoneme." I love Wikipedia.)
• Stopping at the awesome farm stand on the way there to drool over their pumpkin display, and successfully NOT buying a two-foot-high stone rabbit statue for the garden. SEE HOW NEWFOUNDEDLY MATURE I AM??? 

And, duh, obviously. THE FOOD. 

HERB-ROASTED BUTTERNUT SQUASH, FENNEL, AND WAX BEANS

CORNMEAL FARM BREAD

PAN-FRIED CODFISH

DARK CHOCOLATE FUDGE CAKE WITH PEPPERMINT BUTTERCREAM

SWEDISH PANCAKES

Obviously I haven't posted until now because I just came out of my food coma this morning. 

BEETLE NOTES

There really are no notes apart from OMG EVERYTHING WAS DELICIOUS.

I will tell you the following:

1. Wax Beans are my new favourite food.

2. The excuse "It's my birthday damn it." is very effective when you want to eat roasted butternut squash directly off the sheet pan.

3. The kitchen still smells like pancakes. Which is to say. Happiness. 

Oh but what am I doing?

THE CAKE. 

This cake, you guys. THIS CAKE. 

I searched high and low for a dark chocolate cake recipe that felt "right." I went to Julia Child but she started talking about clarified butter and whisking over a double boiler and it's not that I'm AGAINST those things, they are important, but I just didn't feel like spending my birthday doing it, you know what I mean? I went to Nigella and the dear Contessa and Epicurious, and found what I am sure are truly delectable, truly chocolatey chocolate cakes. But then the morning of the cake making, I was flipping through Martha online (like you do over coffee of a morning) and found the FUDGY BROWNIE CAKE and the universe just went THIS ONE, BEETLE. MAKE THIS ONE. 

So I did. THANK YOU, UNIVERSE.



The reason this one is so good? It's got 12 COUNT 'EM 12 OUNCES of Bittersweet Chocolate in it. And 1/2 a cup of Unsweetened Cocoa Powder. This is NOT a cake for recreational chocolate users, there's none of your namby pamby Milk or Semisweet here. This cake beats up Milk Chocolate in the playground during recess and takes its lunch money. This cake gives Semisweet a wedgie and shoves it in a locker. YOU GOT IT? IT'S A SERIOUS CAKE.

That's what 12 ounces of Bittersweet looks like.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM STIFF GLOSSY PEAKS, HUH? 

A mere six tablespoons of flour means that "fudgy" is only the beginning. But a whopping six egg whites means it is simultaneously light and fluffy. It flakes and crunches like a brownie when you cut into it, and it's squishy and gooey in the centre. But its silky and floaty and poofy at the same time. It's a culinary paradox. It's an absolutely delicious culinary paradox.

BFF is the best spatula taster ever. She is never boring and stupid and "oh I'll try it later" or "I just brushed my teeth" or anything like that. This is probably why we are besties. She happily tastes everything I shove in her face, and not only that, offers constructive and informed opinions and suggestions. It is because of HER that the Peppermint Buttercream turned out as well as it did (she advised a bit more vanilla extract THANK YOU BFF.) 

The Peppermint Buttercream turned out so well it can be summed up in one sentence. I handed Mum a spatula at the end of the evening, and she gave it a small taste. There was a pause. Another small taste. Then, still staring serenely out the kitchen window over the north field, a quiet and completely deadpan "Well. This is the f***ing end." 

Which, if you think about it, means only one thing. Beetle Did Good. 

The best thing about using Buttercream is that once it sets you get that awesome crust on it, which means you can cover it with foil without destroying the pretty and also it's one of the greatest sounds in the world, that crunch when you slice into it. It's a crunch that says AMAZINGNESS AHOY. I hesitated originally, not wanting to push the cake over the edge with frosting overload, thinking, hmmm, perhaps I will just dust it with cocoa powder or confectioner's sugar. 

I AM SO GLAD I IGNORED MY BETTER JUDGMENT. 

It's like a Peppermint Patty in cake form. Except, you know, reversed. AND ALSO SO MUCH BETTER. 

And LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT. I was making dinner and Mum came in and handed me the phone. It was one of my Lovely Librarians. Do you know what she said, dear reader? 

WELL I'LL TELL YOU. 

She said it was the best chocolate cake she'd ever had.

YOU GUYS SHE REALLY SAID THAT. 

I played it cool on the phone. Gracious. Serene. Like a 30 year-old would.  

I was only after I hung up that I broke out the 80's-style-Molly-Ringwald-in-Breakfast-Club-Debra-Messing-in-Will-&-Grace-Bohemian-Rhapsody-head-banging-stupid-ridiculous-victory-happy-dance.

The cat saw me, but she promised she wouldn't tell anyone. 

So, dear reader, thus ends Birthday. BUT THERE IS MORE. Birthday PART THE SECOND begins this weekend. 

Stay tuned.