Birthday Brownies

I should begin this post by stating for the record that I have an uncle named Thor.

No, he does not look like this:

Or this: 

The above is a picture of my boyfriend Chris Hemsworth who is the star of Thor, The Avengers, and the upcoming Thor: The Dark World which hits cinemas on November 8th. (Chris likes me to keep abreast of his film release dates, and being a good girlfriend I feel it's my duty to support him.) 

No. My Uncle Thor is a lovely man who lives in Maine, does yoga headstands every morning, is awesome at sailing and hiking and pretty much every outdoor activity you can think of, and who last summer took me on an all day hike during the course of which we climbed three mountains in a row. He's pretty cool. 

It's also his birthday day. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE THOR! 

When we saw each other two weekends ago I asked him what baked good he wanted for his birthday present. He said Carrot Cake with Maple Buttercream. 

You will notice that the title of this post is "Birthday Brownies." So . . . reasons. Reasons that will explained to Thor tonight over the telephone, and also to you, dear reader, in an attempt to assuage the MASSIVE AND ALL CONSUMING AMOUNT OF GUILT I feel at making something OTHER than what he asked for. I hope that he will forgive me, and that we can do the Razorback Loop again this summer. 

Reasons I made Brownies and not Carrot Cake with Maple Buttercream and am therefore potentially the worst niece in the Universe and also potentially the worst niece in all of Asgard no actually scratch that all of Yggdrasil:

1. I am worried that Maple Buttercream, when mailed to Maine, will not ship well.

2. By "not ship well" I mean fuse to the cake and turn into a indistinguishable sticky, disgusting mass inside the Tupperware container that will resemble something so far from a baked good let alone a birthday cake that he will cry out in horror and throw it in the rubbish. 

3. By "not ship well" I also mean that even if I overnight the cake, buttercream is supposed to be refrigerated, and the concept of a perishable concoction sitting in a box in the back of an un-air conditioned FexEd truck in 90 degree heat even overnight makes my skin crawl. I have visions of him dying of either Listeria or Salmonella or E-coli poisoning because he is nice enough that even if the cake was clearly spoilt, he would eat it just because I made it for him. 

*yes I am one of those Norse Mythology people. 

So I decided that I would rather make and send him something that would still be delicious looking when it arrived on his doorstep, and that would also not kill him. I feel that's not asking too much of a birthday present, really. 

I also hereby pledge (and Uncle Thor if you are reading this you can print it out and consider it an IOU to be presented when next we see each other) to make Carrot Cake (with raisins!) with Maple Buttercream Frosting at another date when I can present it on a platter, pretty and uncontaminated, and also maybe with writing on the top. And maybe candles. And maybe little frosting carrots. (I go overboard when I feel guilty in case you hadn't noticed that yet.) 

So. Thor if you are still reading, this is what you are getting in the next two days. It went out Priority Mail exactly 5 minutes ago. I will be tracking it. 

CHOCOLATE HAZELNUT FUDGE BROWNIES

For this one I used the best brownie recipe I've ever found, Nigella Lawson's. (link via food.com) It's from her Domestic Goddess cookbook and I've never not had amazing results with it. I normally make them without the indicated walnuts (I don't believe in walnuts in brownies, really) but this time I added hazelnuts which, essentially, makes them Nutella in brownie form. I'm very much hoping that this makes up for them not being carrot cake. 

BEETLE NOTES

There aren't really any notes, per se. (See above re: never having a bad experience with the recipe.) Nigella knows her baked goods. It uses bittersweet chocolate which I think is pretty much a MUST for brownies. Brownies should be as dark-chocolatey and gooey and squidgy as possible. 

The first time I made these was for my old work colleagues. And I swear the entire pan was gone by the end of the afternoon. The publishing company I was working for at the time, I should note, consisted of 16 people, one of whom was diabetic. 

The addition of hazelnuts was really just to make them more special.
They are birthday brownies after all. 

These are solidly fudgey brownies. Nigella even says "take the pan out of the oven even if they don't look done" because they do firm up when they cool and it's true, they do keep cooking as they cool. If you like your brownies drier, a.) for a change I actually have no problem with you and b.) just leave them in for a bit longer.

Note the crackly crust. 

Crucial.

Brownies are not brownies without a crackly crust.

Also when I say "fudge" . . . 

I really meant it. Fudge is not a word to throw around carelessly, you guys.  

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE THOR and I hope you forgive me when you open your package and find something that is neither carrot nor cake, maple nor buttercream.

I also just got a call from my boyfriend Chris Hemsworth who found out that I made brownies for someone named Thor who wasn't him and he wants some too so if you'll excuse me I'm going to go whip up another batch for him.

Actually better make that a double.